Dude, where's my wand?
by Shadow Slytherin
Summary: What to do when you dont have your wand and the entire quidditch team is out for your blood?
1. dude wheres my wand

**Disclaimer**: Not mine  
  
**Author's note**: Thanks to my beta Susamina, and for the help from Sweetwater! Thanks to all who review.  
  
**Summary**: Draco gets himself into trouble, and must rely on a mudblood to get him out.  
  
**Dude, Where's my wand?  
**  
All she could hear were footsteps, people running, sprinting to escape. They were screaming. Something was following them, but she couldn't see what. She was frozen to the spot and could only listen to the chaos about her.  
  
Hermione was soundly asleep when she woke with a start.  
  
'Oh that was dreadful.' She thought to herself, peeling the sheets now stuck to her sweatied body.  
  
Every night's been like this since the events at the ministry took place, and the only way to sooth her back to sleep would be a nice warm bath. So she went to the prefect's bath and washed away all her anxiety.  
  
If Hermione weren't immersed in the tranquility of her cinnamon wash, she would have barely heard the start of a commotion coming from the slytherin boy's dormitories.

* * *

"Don't let him get away!!!" screamed an angry voice.  
  
"Whas' a matter, knott?" yawned his roommate.  
  
"That stupid oaf has my letters! He stole them from me!!"  
  
"What letters, what're you talking about?" asked his dumbfounded and sleepy friend.  
  
Knott grabbed him by the collar of his robes and pushed him up against the wall, snarling out "Get. Me. My. Letters! NOW!"  
  
The bruised beater rubbed his neck where Knott had grabbed him thinking, 'stupid, raving lunatic. Rambling on about letters . . . waking me out of a bloody wonderful dream . . .'  
  
By this time all the boys in the dormitory were awake, the search party reluctantly, but wisely, coming together by fear of the quidditch captain's wrath.  
  
"Who're we chasin' after, anyway?" asked his vexed chaser.  
  
Knott, who looked as though he were about to pop a vein, turned on him ever so viciously and said through clenched teeth,  
  
". . .Malfoy!"

* * *

His breathing was very hard as he ran through the dark corridors. 'How stupid can one get?' he thought to himself.  
  
No one should leave their belongings lying around the dungeons unsupervised.  
  
'I'm going to enjoy this' Draco thought, 'I haven't had a good wand fight in days!'  
  
Draco was itching for some energy release, and this opportunity was perfect. He could have easily picked a fight with the boy who lived, but alas, he is currently a patient in the infirmary.  
  
'Stupid Potter!' he thought, 'He just has to catch that snitch every BLOODY time.'  
  
Draco recollected this afternoon's quidditch match and the means by which it was won. . . or lost in Malfoy's case.  
  
'. . . I was **not** about to stick my hand in that hornets nest. . .'  
  
His memories were interrupted by a group of voices coming down the hall, fast after him.  
  
Draco smirked to himself.  
  
'Finally, they come' He reached into his pocket to get his wand ready, now standing smugly in the doorframe to an empty classroom, where he planned to commence the duel.  
  
As Draco's fingers grasped around nothing, he had a quick, strangling flashback to when he left his wand on his bedside table.  
  
Before he could even react to this horror, a group of five burley, angry, and sleep deprived Slytherins appeared around the corner.  
  
"There he is!" said Knott with nothing but pure anger on his face.  
  
'Oh shit, they're gonna kill me' Draco thought frantically as he took off yet again down the long corridor.

* * *

Hermione now felt fully refreshed as she practically sleep-walked down the corridor. She was halfway to the dormitories when she bumped into the statue of a goblin on a unicycle.  
  
At least, she would have seen this peculiar sculpture if she had some light.  
  
'Oh, how stupid of me.' She thought as she reached in her robes for her wand.  
  
'Now where did I put it . . .' Hermione gave an exasperated sigh as she realized her wand was still in the prefects bathroom.  
  
She was so tired that she almost considered going to bed without it, but there was no way she was going to leave it behind like that. It was a part of her, and who knows what kind of trouble she might run into and what she would have to do without it.  
  
Hermione groaned to herself, 'I guess I'm going back for it . . .'

* * *

He could go straight, or he could turn. 'Those fat lubbers are gonna take a while to 'round THIS corner' he thought as he used his seeker agility to go right.  
  
Draco allowed a satisfied smile to play on his lips as he listened to the skidding and toppling of five stupid boys far behind him.  
  
He ran as fast as he could, but the boys got quickly untangled and were soon hot on his tail again.  
  
Draco was getting a little scared now.  
  
Even if they couldn't catch him, Knott wasn't just angry, he was apoplectic. And Draco would get tired before Knott's fury died down. If he didn't think of something fast, he was gonna die.  
  
Draco then skidded to a halt after seeing the figure of a girl standing in his way. He would have asked for help if he hadn't seen who it was.  
  
Hermione Granger stood right in front of him, mildly shocked by the image of Malfoy before her. Run-down, sweaty, and bits of blotchy red all over his pale skin.  
  
"Late for a death-eater meeting, Malfoy?" she whispered.  
  
"MALFOY!" cried a voice from behind; they were getting very dangerously close.  
  
Draco could only stare in distress at Hermione. It was over, and there was nothing he, or this exhausted little mudblood could do about it.

* * *

'It sounds like he's running from a stampede' she thought to herself. Amused at first, but then the reality dawned on her. 'If these people are taking on Malfoy, they wouldn't stop to hurt me . . .'  
  
"Malfoy, don't you have your wand?" she hissed, understanding the danger they were in and waking out of her late night stupor.  
  
"If I did, I wouldn't be scared half to death and running from those loons!" he hissed back.  
  
"Malfoy!" screamed the boy again.  
  
They were only around the corner, time was running out!  
  
"Where's your wand, Granger?!" he stuttered nervously.  
  
Hermione was too busy thinking of an alternate defense to acknowledge his question.  
  
"How many are there?" she asked, rolling up her sleeves.  
  
"Are you mad?!" Draco choked out. "It's the whole bloody quidditch team, practically!"  
  
Hermione's eyes widened a bit, but she was still trying to think of another defense.  
  
'This is taking too long' she thought to herself and reacted in a state of absolute urgency.  
  
She lifted Draco's hood up over his head and pulled him close.  
  
"What are you doing?" he whispered frantically.  
  
Hermione gave him a distressed look and said "I've no idea..." before firmly planting her mouth on his.  
  
At first this took him by shock, but he caught on quickly and reacted in the only way he knew how. He kissed her back.  
  
If either of the two were at all aware of their surroundings other then each-other, they would have heard the group of boys running straight past them, even felt the wind that picked up at their speed. They might have even heard one of them say "'scuse us" as he heaved on. But all they could hear was their blood pumping in their ears.  
  
After a good few minutes, Draco had moved to Hermione's neck, savoring every bit of it.  
  
Hermione moaned and thought to herself ' I love this dream."  
  
She put her head on his shoulder and half-lifted her eyes in her drunken state of pleasure. What she saw was an empty hallway. 'Hold on, what's this?' she thought, clearly shocked at not being in bed.  
  
She felt him still kissing her neck, and pushed him off, slowly remembering the reality of it all.  
  
He looked confused at first but then realized who she was. "They're gone. ." she said coarsely and out of breath.  
  
Malfoy, also breathing heavily, said ". . who?"  
  
They both just stood there swallowing air as he tried to regain his bearings.  
  
'oh. . . right. . . ' he thought to himself.  
  
The witch rolled her eyes at the naïve slytherin.  
  
"Don't forget your wand next time."

* * *

HAHA! Get it?? - please review. 

There will be an epilodue, watch out for it.


	2. Chapter 2

At this remark Draco snapped out of a stupor and remembered himself. 'ew. . . mudblood?'

He stared at her retreating form in disbelief at first and then choked on his realization. "Oh God, she did!" and proceeded to vomit loudly.

'Ew kissing mudblood.' He thought again, unable to come to terms with the travesty. As he got up to rush back to his dorms, he stepped on what sounded like paper.

'Alright Knott, what's in these letter that got me contaminated by mudblood kiss?' he thought to himself while opening the envelope.

'Oh for the sake of all things good and holy . . . noooo'

'oh. . no. . ' hermione thought to herself numbly as she walked back to the prefects bathroom 'what on earth just happened?'

Her fears had been confirmed as she heard a retching behind her which meant she had indeed kissed the albino ferret. She felt quite keen to do the same, and promptly did just that upon arrival at the loo.

'I need sleep' she murmured as she emerged the bathroom, wand in hand. While walking up the hallway, nearing the stone unicycling figure, she heard a retching sound again.

"Malfoy? Are you dying?" she asked hopefully.

At the gurgling sound that answered her, she lit up her wand to see better.

"Did those people get you while I was in the bathroom?" she asked hesitantly.

Draco just glared at her in disgust. 'I wish' he thought to himself while handing her the papers in hand.

"Merlin . . ." Hermione breathed as she looked at the reason of Malfoy's chase.

Draco just nodded in sickened agreement and looked as though he might throw up again.

"My goodness. . . I didn't think Crabbe swung that way. . ." she said with a partly shocked, partly amused, mostly disgusted sneer on her face.

Malfoy grabbed the photo from her and ripped it in shreds. "Of course he does! Why else would he follow me around like a love-sick puppy?"

"So why were you getting sick?" Hermione asked, feeling her own dinner work its way up. At first she thought that was really Draco in the picture. . .

"THAT was KNOTT with a blonge bloody WIG on!" Draco half screamed, half squealed at Hermione. He then fainted rather dramatically right at her feet, just missing his puddle of sick.

Hermione felt quite sick to her stomache at first. And then quite happy at the fact that Malfoy was now laying at her feet.

She realized this was a situation that could be taken advantage of in many different ways and considered all of them; one of which involved a chainsaw and many wild pixies.

In the end, sleep won over and she opted to just leave him there to rot.

Authors note: Just as sleep has won me over and I have left his fic here to rot.


End file.
